F is for Family

Day 6: Blogging A to Z Challenge









Topic: Family.

Kids vs no Kids. Should LGBTQ people have children? Are they "qualified" to raise children? Are LGBTQ people able to give children everything that a heterosexual couple would?

The answers go as follows: 1) that is a very PERSONAL choice based on the couple. If you are part of a gay couple and you CHOOSE to have children, whether adopted, or via surrogate then you are PLANNING and CHOOSING to bring a child into your family. That sounds a whole lot more thought out then accidental conception. 2)Is ANYONE qualified to raise children? Last I checked there wasn't a test to take. LGBTQ parents, like ANY other parents would be learning as they go. As long as they are doing it with love in their hearts why WOULDN'T they be qualified. 3)There may be certain things that a LGBTQ family may have to work harder at as far as being able to give their children certain perspectives but there are PLENTY of single parent homes out there, broken homes. ect.. If a person, no matter what their orientation is, is able to provide a stable loving home for a child then THAT is what matters.

I am a Lesbian. I am a mother. I have 3 beautiful children from a marriage.. to a man. Luckily he is super awesome about things. We have rules and guidelines for what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable. Never at any point will he or his family tell our children that being gay is wrong. Someday maybe I'll find someone to share our lives. Right now its not a priority. I have a Kindergartener who was told IN SCHOOL that all gay people are going to hell. My 6 year old came home and asked me what that meant.

I realize that my children will have to deal early and often with the hatred and misconceptions of others. I hope that it will help them grow into compassionate adults who are always willing to fight for what the believe in. I HOPE my children are straight.. because I would love for their life to be easy.. but if they are gay or bi, or whatever.. Its a BLESSING because that's how they were born... and I hope that by the time they are old enough to start thinking of marriage and family, they won't have to struggle  like we do today. I hope that the world is wide open for them to love whomever they want.


All to often in for people in the LGBTQ community, they find that coming out means that they no longer have a biological family. Some people unfortunately will NEVER accept them. So we band together, we create our own families and we carry on..

Just remember that "FAMILY" doesn't have much to do with blood or genetics.. its the PEOPLE that are there for you when you need them, will love you and support you no matter what, and who will care for you as you do them. That's family, and if THAT family happens to be tied to you by genetics WOOHOO.. if not, that is okay too.

Road Trip and Tattoos

Well, I'm sure a lot of the people that read this blog know, I recently took a family trip to Pennsylvania from Missouri. My father and I took the 5 grandchildren (my 3 and my sister's 2) to PA for my Grand da's 80th birthday celebration. It was a surprise, so we snuck into town, with only my Aunt and Uncle knowing we were coming. It was a 2 day drive (a total of 20 driving hours) with 5 kids, all aged 9 and under. WHEW! Actually the kids were pretty good, all things considered.

I was very apprehensive about this trip. I didn't want to answer any questions about my marriage (or impending divorce) There are a million reasons for it, and while the lying, cheating, and PTSD are MAJOR factors in it, so is the fact that I was never happy because he was a man. Of course, my family is very conservative. Especially in regards to homosexuality. I don't know that I will ever be "OUT" to them. I will say that I don't think I'm the only one, and that it saddens me to think that, that person might never be able to be themselves. At any rate, the questions were kept at a minimum, and seeing my GrandDa celebrate his 80th birthday was pretty awesome. Seeing the look on his face as he rounded the corner and seen my Da was PRICELESS. My Grand Da was definitely overjoyed to have all 4 of his children together, especially for a happy occasion. The last time they were all together was for my Gram's funeral in 2004.

We returned yesterday, and my feelings are bittersweet. So happy to have seen my cousins and connect to them all as adults. So happy to see my Aunts and Uncles, my Grand Da and his wife. So incredibly sad that the time was so short, and that I have no real plans to return there soon. I'm also sad that I felt like I was keeping myself back from them, skirting issues and politics because we don't see eye to eye.

On a happier note... I am going this week to make an appointment about a tattoo.  My friend, Vida, who is amazing and awesome and absolutely a beautiful person inside and out, drew out my tattoo. The one I've been wanting for about 2 years now. She took my idea of wanting a Motherhood knot with the Tree of Life, and she made it so much better, adding things that I didn't know it needed. I am so looking forward to putting her work on my body. It couldn't possibly be more perfect.