T & U is for Trans* & Unique

Still blogging A to Z.


author note: sorry I am once again running behind. I honestly was having a really hard time writing this post and getting what I had to say right. Hopefully I do.


Topic: Trans* and Unique.

Every single person out there is unique. No one person is just alike another, not even identical twins. the world is amazingly diverse, and we are BLESSED to live in it. Our Uniqueness is what makes life interesting. Its what makes life worthwhile.

I wanted to take the time to talk about the Trans* people of the rainbow. I know several. In different stages of transition, and I know a few that will NEVER make a full transition. By choice.

Imagine, just for a moment, that you woke up in the opposite sex's body. It feels wrong, and nothing you do, no matter what will let you change back.. There might be a few things you don't mind, or are a novelty at first, but at the core of yourself you know its not right.. You are probably thinking.. Hey, I watched that movie. Now imagine being born that way.

Imagine being born in a body that seems like a betrayal every time you look in the mirror. Imagine having the strength of character to not only acknowledge it, but to choose to change it. Now imagine all of your friends, and family and even strangers on the street ridiculing you, or WORSE even people of the LGB community, and judging your life choices without truly understanding. This is what Trans* people go through all the time. And even if they can afford the expensive treatments, and surgeries, there will still be people that will say that they aren't REALLY a man, or they aren't REALLY a woman.

I truly respect and admire that kind of strength. I admire that kind of courage, to KNOW how hard your path is, and rather than hiding and denying, embracing it, and choosing to be the person that they are inside. That is special, and amazing.

I want to share a quick story about a family. A military family. A mom, a soldier, and their 5 children. The oldest son, graduated, went into the military, and a few years later, shortly before DADT was repealed, came out as gay. The family took it in stride, even though the dad, had often used homophobic slurs in the past. He loved his stepson, he adjusted.. Then their oldest daughter, came out as gay as well, and they took that in stride as well. The mom and I are close, and she often called to talk about things, and use me as a sounding board. Soon the daughter started calling me as well.

One night she called late, around 11pm, and she was crying, and she said, I want to tell my mom, that I'm trans, but I'm scared. (I already knew, partly because she friend requested me on fb under her preferred name) I told her to have a little faith, that if her mom hadn't run off screaming yet, she probably wouldn't. She said she was scared her mom would think it was just a phase (she's 19). Eventually she got off the phone with promises to talk to her mom.

I tossed and turned. I was sure my friend would accept her child, but I too was scared that I gave bad advice. The next morning, my phone rang early. It was my friend. She called to thank me. She knew her child was struggling with something, but was afraid to tell her. She said it made no difference to her. That whether her child was male or female, she still loved her child.

(it also turned out that her middle child came out as bi, around the same time.) So this homophobic dad, completely did a 180, because he loves his kids. (even though they aren't biologically his) He supports his kids 100%.. and you know what that is how EVERY family SHOULD be.

This family is amazing. They not only support their kids, but have opened their home to a few other kids that were kicked out of their homes when they came out. I love them, I'm happy that they are my adopted family.

Anyway.. I could go into a million statistics.. or whatever, but at the end of the day, the point is that people are people. Each and every one of us is beautiful and unique in our own way. If we could all just RESPECT that, the none of the rest of this stuff matters. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Questioning, Queer, Straight.. Love is Love.. and as long as we DO love why does it matter WHO we love.


Here is a video of one family's struggle.

R is for Religion

A to Z blogging challenge

Disclaimer:  these are my personal opinions formed over many years of being subjected to abuse inflicted upon me by a religious family, and by the church itself... I will attempt to be as diplomatic as possible.








I love what the gentleman points out at the end. Despite the hate, discrimination, molestation, that we face as LGBTQ people for the most part we remain a warm, loving, community that continues to try to make this world a better place.

Originally I was going to post some videos that more clearly highlighted hate that is pushed upon us by the religious right, but you know what, If you want to see that more than likely you can go to your local church today, or turn on your tv and watch the news.. Better yet, listen to the people running to be your PRESIDENT.

People are Born LESBIAN, GAY, and BISEXUAL. TRANS people were born feeling as though they are in the WRONG body. We don't recruit your children. We aren't contagious. We've always BEEN there, from the beginning of time. We are just finally speaking up for ourselves and demanding that our voices be heard.

GOD, G*D, ALLAH.. Will YOUR deity judge ME more for LOVING, or YOU more for HATING. I was BORN the way that I am. You are taught to hate, to fill your children with hate. and if they are like ME you teach them to HATE themselves. There is an epidemic of DEATH in this country of LGBTQ kids taking their own lives. This keeps me up at night, and makes me cry in sorrow. I want to take every child and hug. Tell them they PERFECT just the way they are. That it will get better.

Religion... I grew up in a Catholic family. I left the Church a LONG time ago. Sometimes I miss the routine and community of religion, however I will NOT raise my children to HATE anyone else.. I always thought that God was supposed to be about LOVE, Maybe GOD is but RELIGION is not.  Its rhetoric and dogma based on a book written THOUSANDS of years ago. The world has evolved since then and there is a better understanding of things.

IN my OPINION the bible is a BOOK written BY MEN, for MEN. It was also TRANSLATED AND RETRANSLATED BY MEN in times where the people in power changed things to suit themselves. So to me the bible is a book, and it can't rule MY life, and I will not live my life to HATE myself, or anyone else.

There is a long video I'm going to post at the end, by Single Dad Laughing (Dan Pearce) called: I'm Christian, unless you are Gay.. This is a video made by a White, Straight Man. Please watch it if you have time. :) I am also posting SDL's It gets better video.

L is for Love

A to Z blogging challenge: L


Topic: L is for Love


I want to take a moment to talk about LOVE.. I am not talking about love between a parent and child, or even love between a couple.. I am talking about SELF-LOVE, self-respect.  I am absolutely horrified that in our super connected, media saturated world, we are teaching our children (not just LGBTQ kids) to HATE themselves. We teach them that they need to conform to societies view of them physically, mentally spiritually in order to be "accepted". You need to be a certain size, wear a certain style, have a certain about of money, worship at a certain place, be as smart as a certain person.

Kids are bullied every day, often over things they have no control over. Instead of teaching our children to embrace their differences, to love themselves, to be confident in themselves we are teaching them that they need to CONFORM. We teach our children self-hatred. That's not okay.

You need to teach them to LOVE themselves because that is the MOST important relationship they will EVER EVER have.

Kids that BULLY other kids do so because THEY feel like less, not because their victims are really less. People that bully other people do so because THEY don't like themselves, because in order to feel GOOD about themselves they must TREAT other people like they are LESS. They do it to make themselves feel SUPERIOR to someone else. People that bully others, don't love themselves.

So what can we do about it? We need to SPEAK up, SPEAK out, and teach our CHILDREN to LOVE themselves. Maybe the next time you see someone bullying someone else, you take the time not only to find out if the VICTIM is okay, but take the time to find out what might be going on with the BULLY. Kids project what they are taught.. maybe we should pay closer attention in our ADULT lives, about how we might be teaching our children to act.

H & I is for Hate and Ignorance

So I totally missed blogging yesterday because I had family stuff going on that took precedence over the internet.. *GASP* I know, it happens. haha.

So this comprises my H and I posts for the A to Z blogging challenge.





Topic: Hate and Ignorance (they go nicely together yeah?)


If you are alive and semi-aware in today's world. You've seen the news. You've seen the putrid, malevolent hate and violence that some people spew. Towards LGBTQ people, towards Muslims, towards whomever.. It seems as though there is a whole culture of people that cannot abide by diversity.  You have seen the high profile cases like, Matthew Sheppard or Jamey Rodemeyer. One was an outright murder, where the other was the result of bullying to the point of suicide.

Hate. I will never understand it. I don't WANT to understand it. But I do want to wage war against it. and we CANNOT do that as a community if we resort to the same underhanded tactics as those who hate us. We have to be the better, more moral side. Its easy to let hate into your heart, and it is very difficult to let it go. As soon as we resort to the bitter name-calling tactics that they use, we are NO better than them.  We have to be better than that.

Ignorance. Sadly, many of the people that are so hate-filled have no idea what a real Gay person is like. They believe these CRAZY things about LGBT people. Guess what? We are JUST like everyone else. Its simple. We are not uber promiscuous people (no more so really than our straight counterparts) Granting us rights will not negate or lessen your rights. So actually KNOW what the hell you are talking about before you start quoting bible verses at us. Because honestly, In MY OPINION, Jesus and God would be ashamed of the assinine behaviour of so-called Christians.

On that note, I'm gonna post a video and recommend that you check out Single Dad Laughing which is the website run by the creator of the video. The video is long.. but worth it. He did a whole series on this subject. Listen with an open mind. :)

F is for Family

Day 6: Blogging A to Z Challenge









Topic: Family.

Kids vs no Kids. Should LGBTQ people have children? Are they "qualified" to raise children? Are LGBTQ people able to give children everything that a heterosexual couple would?

The answers go as follows: 1) that is a very PERSONAL choice based on the couple. If you are part of a gay couple and you CHOOSE to have children, whether adopted, or via surrogate then you are PLANNING and CHOOSING to bring a child into your family. That sounds a whole lot more thought out then accidental conception. 2)Is ANYONE qualified to raise children? Last I checked there wasn't a test to take. LGBTQ parents, like ANY other parents would be learning as they go. As long as they are doing it with love in their hearts why WOULDN'T they be qualified. 3)There may be certain things that a LGBTQ family may have to work harder at as far as being able to give their children certain perspectives but there are PLENTY of single parent homes out there, broken homes. ect.. If a person, no matter what their orientation is, is able to provide a stable loving home for a child then THAT is what matters.

I am a Lesbian. I am a mother. I have 3 beautiful children from a marriage.. to a man. Luckily he is super awesome about things. We have rules and guidelines for what is acceptable and what is NOT acceptable. Never at any point will he or his family tell our children that being gay is wrong. Someday maybe I'll find someone to share our lives. Right now its not a priority. I have a Kindergartener who was told IN SCHOOL that all gay people are going to hell. My 6 year old came home and asked me what that meant.

I realize that my children will have to deal early and often with the hatred and misconceptions of others. I hope that it will help them grow into compassionate adults who are always willing to fight for what the believe in. I HOPE my children are straight.. because I would love for their life to be easy.. but if they are gay or bi, or whatever.. Its a BLESSING because that's how they were born... and I hope that by the time they are old enough to start thinking of marriage and family, they won't have to struggle  like we do today. I hope that the world is wide open for them to love whomever they want.


All to often in for people in the LGBTQ community, they find that coming out means that they no longer have a biological family. Some people unfortunately will NEVER accept them. So we band together, we create our own families and we carry on..

Just remember that "FAMILY" doesn't have much to do with blood or genetics.. its the PEOPLE that are there for you when you need them, will love you and support you no matter what, and who will care for you as you do them. That's family, and if THAT family happens to be tied to you by genetics WOOHOO.. if not, that is okay too.

E is for Equality

Day 5 of the A to Z blogging challenge:










TOPIC: EQUALITY

equality
noun
1. fairness, equal opportunity, equal treatment, egalitarianism, fair treatment, justness the principle of racial equality
fairness discrimination, prejudice, bias, inequality, unfairness, imparity
2. sameness, balance, identity, similarity, correspondence, parity, likeness, uniformity, equivalence, evenness, coequality, equatability They advocate the unconditional equality of incomes.
sameness disparity, unevenness, lack of balance
Quotations
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" [Thomas Jefferson The Declaration of Independence]
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character" [Martin Luther King Jr. speech at Civil Rights March]
"The defect of equality is that we only desire it with our superiors" [Henry Becque Querelles littéraires]



A lot of people believe that we, as LGBT persons are just wanting things that we have no "right" to want. Most LGBT people just want to be seen as equal in the eyes of the LAW.  We want to the right to go to school and not have to worry about being harrassed, bullied, sometimes killed, or bullied to the point that we want to kill ourselves. We want to be able to get a job and our employer not have the right to fire us just because of whom we MIGHT fall in love with.  We want to be protected under the law. We want to be able to get married, adopt children, live a life just like our heterosexual counterparts. We aren't different. We are just people, the same as everyone else.

"In 76 countries it is illegal to be gay or transgender- in 10 you can be sentenced to DEATH or life in prison. In many others, the ability to work, raise a family and love who you choose free from the threat of violence is not yet a reality." (from allout.org the makers of the above video)

Yes, someday if I meet the right person, I'd love to entertain the thought of marriage.. but not until its legal in my home state. We have to keep fighting, keep making our voices heard.

Civil rights should NOT be up for vote. They should just BE our rights. No one should get to CHOOSE who is worthy of being equal and who is not. We deserve the same rights that everyone else has.

D is for Diversity (super short post)

Day 4 of the A to Z blogging challenge:







topic: Diversity.



Ok, so the symbol of us non-hetero people is the rainbow.. Why? because sexuality is about as diverse as people's food preferences. Seriously. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans*, Questioning, GenderQueer, pansexual, polysexual, asexual.. whatever you identify as, or even if you don't its ok.

This world is a wondrous and DIVERSE place. No matter what color of the rainbow you are, or even if you are in between, you are a human being deserving of dignity and respect with the right to love whomever you wish. That's it. No one has the right to tell you WHO you can love (as long as its another human being and you are both consenting adults.. just saying)

Think of how BORING and BLAND the world would be if we were all the same. Diversity is beautiful, Embrace it. :)

C is for Coming Out

A to Z blogging challenge  day 3:

Today's subject is Coming Out.


If you are living within the spectrum of the rainbow, then more than likely at some point you will "Come Out".  This is a very personal process that is easy for some and unbelievable terrifying and painful for others. I am probably not really qualified to speak or even really to write on this subject, as I am only "out" to some of family although ALL of my friends are aware.

For me it was more of a painful terrifying process. When I was very young I felt that the strictness of our Church wouldn't allow for me to be anything other than a "normal".. I was deeply in the closet throughout my first failed marriage... and after a majorly failed relationship, I stayed in the closet throughout my 2nd marriage.. although I did tell my husband that I was bi.

At 31, I came out to my friends as a lesbian. My straight friends, even my more religious ones were extremely supportive. The family that I did tell was supportive for the most part, although they seemed to share the opinion of some of my gay friends. That this was a "phase", and that I am not REALLY gay.

Of course they don't understand the inner struggle that I endured. They don't know why I made the decisions that I did make.

Did I CHOOSE to be gay? No, I CHOSE to stop pretending to be straight. I lived a miserable existence as a "straight" woman. I was NEVER straight.. I pretended to be in order to fit in with society's conventions.. and I hated myself everyday because I KNEW I was pretending.. 16 years from when I "figured" out that I was different, is a long time to pretend. Its a long time to choose to be someone other than myself. And that is a lot of self hatred. In my opinion no one CHOOSES who they are attracted to. It just is. You love who you love.

Its not about sex. Its about seeking out that soul that will complete me. Its about trying to find that PERSON that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So.. Coming out is a PROCESS, its about trying to reach that place where we can be who we are without hiding and lying and feeling ashamed. Its about trying to find our place within our families, and our communities without the blanket of fear covering us. This process is different for everyone, and even for those that its easier for, its still difficult to live in a world where we lack the civil rights to be able to fight back against discrimination.

So yeah that is what I have to say about Coming out.

B is for Bisexuality

Day 2 of the A to Z Challenge  

Today's subject is Bisexuality.

Bisexuals may be attracted to members of both sexes, or may define themselves as "bisexual" 


-- but they may or may not indulge in active bisexual behaviors.


Its a peeve of mine that there is so much hate in the gay community for bisexuals. Yes, they DO exist. No, this is not an M&M commercial.  People seem to think so many misconceptions about being bisexual. Whether a bisexual person settles down with a man or a woman it doesn't make them any less bisexual. It just means that they found the PERSON they want to be with. Gender in that case doesn't MATTER. 


Why is it that we have to stick a LABEL on everything? I know people in the LG community that absolutely WOULD NOT date a Bi person. They fear that eventually it is inevitable for this person to leave them for a heterosexual partner. They FEAR.  I've found that all too often FEAR and HATE are gripping each other's hands. Its time to let it go. The thing is that with a Bi person, is it possible they will leave for a heterosexual relationship.. yes, but its JUST as possible that they will leave for a homosexual one. 


Is society more lenient of Bisexual people versus Homosexual people? I think it all depends upon perspective.. There is a stigma attached to it on both sides of the homo/hetero fence.  The thing is that the RAINBOW symbol is supposed to symbolize how many diversities there are in this world. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans*, Questioning... we are all looking for the SAME thing. Love and acceptance. 


Maybe this is particularly an issue for me, who for many years identified at Bisexual. I am more attracted to women then men, despite having had  longer lasting relationships with men. But by and large I was trying to fit myself into a role that I thought society would APPROVE of.  At this time its easier to say that I'm a lesbian, even though I probably Identify NOW more as a pansexual. I am open to finding love where ever it presents itself. The outer trappings are very secondary to the inner workings of the person. 


Anyway.. the video below is just over a minute in Length.. Check it out! 

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A is for Apathy

I joined over 1700 other bloggers to do the AtoZ challenge this month. So I'll be posting every day except for Sundays. I wanted to do this challenge to connect with other bloggers, and because I thought that I might just have something to say. I tend to do better under a challenge, then just blogging on my own. Obviously we are going through the alphabet, and I intend on hitting upon issues that are important to me, most of which will probably involve the LGBTQQ community.

Today's topic is Apathy.

Defined Apathy is Noun:

Lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

Synonyms:

indifference - unconcern - torpor - listlessness

Apathy, is the greatest threat to the world at large, and to the LGBTQQ community. If people are indifferent, or don't care about the issues surrounding us, then there is little motivation to see things changed. All too often I hear, "what does it matter to me?", "nothing I do or say will make a difference anyway", "Why should I vote? My vote doesn't count." 

Make it count. If you change 1 person's mind, educate 1 person's heart, You've made a difference. If we want things to change in this world, especially in terms of how the LGBTQQ community is received not just in THIS country but in the world at large then it is up to EACH one of us to take a stand and make a difference. Sure it is easier to sit back and let the outspoken few speak on your behalf, but think of how much stronger they'd be if you raised your voice as well. 

Sometimes doing "our part" is as simple as saying, That's not OK, when you hear hate speech or speech that is negative. Its standing up for yourself and your community. Its easy to tell people that "It gets better." But it gets better when you MAKE it better. Life doesn't hand you much, you have to reach out and grab it. Everyone one of us has the power to change things. Everyone of us has a voice that can be used for good. 

Next time you are thinking that you can't or don't make a difference, I would almost bet that somewhere there is someone that you DID make a difference to. Sometimes we don't see the power of our words and our actions. Sometimes its that 99th out of 100 time, that we are able to see the difference we made. But that doesn't mean that the other 99 times weren't just as profound.

Don't let yourself become apathetic. Don't let yourself slip into indifference. Take a stand, Make a change. 

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